Phil Mader / Two Poems

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Hulagu and Baibars

Hulagu and Baibars
Mongol rulers
Without cars
But with eyes stuck on stars
Rode a desert
Resembling Mars
Demanding tribute
from Mamluks
and Khazars
Unless their
manhood
they were willing
To lose
But Qutuz
Blew a fuse
And their heads
He promised to use
as garnish
for his Gate
What a despicable
Fate
Especially
As later
He hoped to have
Them served on a plate
To his mistresses and mates.
Hulagu and Baibars
Mongol rulers
Without cars
All this did escape.
Why?
Because they arrived late.
They ate but
bread and fine lard
Playing in harems
and at cards.
Sailing
One day
From Cairo
To St. John
Where they
Pulled on
Their long johns
And of hockey
became fond.
To great horror
They swallowed pucks
And tied the sticks
To their pricks
And died of unknown
Causes
Save for wood splinters
On their dicks.
Hulagu and Baibars
Mongol rulers
Without cars
And certainly not Fabians
Now rest
Quite serenely
Among Empire Loyalists
….and French Canadians.

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